By Lydia Sterry | Submitted 2023
Below are a cluster of questions that seem to be common questions some clients have wanted to explore during our sessions together.
If there are there any additional resources or books you would recommend for my specific concerns?
How I might tell if therapy is working for me?
How might I cope with the fear of judgment from others?
How might I understand the root causes of my struggles?
What themes might we address to manage my anxiety/depression more effectively?
How might I improve my self-esteem and develop a more positive self-image?
Why do I experience intense emotional reactions in certain situations?
How might I communicate better in my relationships?
How might I practice self-care and manage stress?
How if there are any specific therapeutic techniques or approaches that might be beneficial for me?
How might I unpack my trauma?
There are no generic answers to these, only individual explorations. Nevertheless, the questions themselves may be useful to know for some.
Remember, therapy is a collaborative process, and your therapist is there to support you. Try not to hesitate to discuss any questions you may have during your sessions, as they normally lead to useful and valuable therapeutic places.
Here are some other common questions that have been asked by various clients, friends, and family members over the years.
Are there clients you wouldn’t see?
You might want to be careful of a therapist who says they see all clients. We are all bound to be less effective working with certain clients. I personally refer on murderers and paedophiles for various reasons, some being the fact that I work next to my home and how I’m responsible for my kids. But I have some colleagues who have no problem taking on these types of clients, but they might refer on say, self-harming, borderline or other clients.
Just how we have certain preferences, most therapists have different areas they prefer to work in.
In the past some clients have taken it personally when I have referred them on. It’s a shame because they struggle to understand how they are being referred for good reason.
The takeaway from this is that you might want to check if your therapist has any preferences and if they can move into your mindset without fear or judgment. If they can’t, you might want to look elsewhere.
Do you ever get scared being a therapist?
Absolutely, especially when you know a client might be struggling outside of the sessions.
There are many limitations to the job. i.e. when a client wants to jump off a bridge, or when they are in an abusive relationship or when they threaten to hurt me…
Being with most manageable ‘frightened’ feelings though and working through them, normally leads to great insight, which I’m grateful for. However, when there is extreme fear, I tend to terminate the therapy and refer the client on to a team of professionals.
Why on earth did you become a therapist?
Most people become psychotherapists to meet unfulfilled childhood needs, to better understand themselves, or to repeat a pattern of care taking learned in their family. Thus, most therapists in training come out the other end, only to realise it was themselves that needed help in some way! I can definitely own some of this, well maybe more than I realised.
Recognising the importance of working through all of my own dynamics/history/blind spots etc.. has helped me to keep on track with countertransference, secondary traumatisation and any burnouts.
Overall, choosing to be a therapist is definitely a vocation for me and I enjoy being a part of the process and always learning something new from clients. But most of all, it’s such a privilege to witness and participate in the profound transformations that therapy can bring about.
How do you stop yourself becoming sad after seeing clients?
Sadness is not contagious, it’s not something you catch. If anything, it’s a universal feeling which we all experience in varying degrees. So, if I feel sad with a client, yes, it’s partly to do with empathy and really being there with them. It’s also about understanding how part of that sadness is also connected to me. In my own reflection time after the session, I tend to sit with the sadness and generally work through it with some ease. Especially as one of the compulsory things most therapists have to have, is their own long-term therapy during training.
Also, some might assume sadness is the main emotion that’s shown in therapy but that’s just not true. If anything, all emotions tend to find their way in the therapy room. Happy, sad, angry, scared, ashamed... in fact if only one emotion is being showed, I want to find out what that’s all about!
Why don’t you just tell people to get on with their lives and to stop complaining?
First the question seems to be loaded with a lack of empathy.
Most therapists would be asking with empathy, what is happening here?
What might you gain holding this particular view of 'complaining'?
If you weren’t complaining, what would you be talking about?
Complaining could be seen as a smoke screen. Once you can get past the smoke screen, you can see maybe why they are struggling to get on with their lives.
You can say, ‘just get on with it’ but where will that get you?
It’s more about trying to understand where the person is at and then working through various ways navigating through that space.
Do you ever make mistakes?
Yes, a big yes to that!
I make mistakes all the time.
In fact, a new client said yesterday how I misread her in the last session on a particular part. We sat with her feelings of disappointment and how therapy is about being on this road of mistakes and helping me to get closer to her truth.
It’s such a process, one that we have to accept all the hits and misses. This can be frustrating but nevertheless is a natural part of the work. I actually get excited when mistakes happen as they tend to lead to larger insights.
Don’t you just sit back, relax, put your feet up and listen to the client every now and then?
I can see how you might come to that conclusion, but it is so far from the truth. Let me clarify and provide a glimpse into what's required.
We have so many reflections to work on:
There’s pre reflection, there’s actual 'in the session' reflections, post reflections, in between reflections, reflections with your supervisor (which is compulsory for every therapist), random reflections – (where clients might pop into your head - I might be washing up and then ping, I have an insight and have to quickly write it down).
There are also professional development reflections, every therapist is required to do a certain amount of professional development courses a year. Most choose courses related to their clients.
So the list is ongoing and far from putting your feet up. I would say this profession is not for everyone and maybe it’s more for people with high levels of energy, just to keep up with the reflective work and everything else attached to it!
What advice would you give to someone in therapy?
I would say go with your ‘gut’ as much as you can and from there let your vulnerable side come out. Even if the things you have swirling around your head sound ‘weird’, it’s worth letting go and just saying them. Sometimes that ‘crazy’ voice or feeling can lead to the heart of the therapy where all the insightful nuggets can be found. The other thing is to register how the therapy is a process, there is no quick fix. If you want true change to happen within you, you’ll have to be patient and learn to trust the process and your therapist (and yourself in unknown waters). It’s worth remembering how all those slow and sometimes painful little steps lead to big changes. The last thing is to try to imagine going down into the depths of darkness with your therapist. Then within this darkness imagine the emotional pain being as big as the ocean, where you might become washed up at shore, only to open your eyes again to see another side of the ocean. It’s such a simple analogy but hopefully it’s one that makes things a little clearer about the process.
Is being a hero or a saint required for this job?
No, definitely not. I’m just doing what I’m trained to do.
Most of the time I’m fortunate and the therapy works, but sometimes it doesn’t. When it doesn’t work out for clients for various reasons, I’m reminded how fragile the process is and how not everyone is cut out for ‘talking’ therapy. It’s during these times, I become really level-headed and thankful.
Overall, it might be worth noting that when someone puts a therapist on a pedestal, that very act of putting someone on a pedestal calls for therapy!
Have you ever been attracted to a client?
Definitely, it can happen and does happen. Luckily in my practice it doesn’t happen too often but when it does, I tend to opt for more extensive supervision. I also tend to create space for more reflection time to keep me on track. We know attraction is a natural phenomenon and like all natural phenomena, it can enter the therapy room. However, the idea is for you and your therapist to ride it out by taking note of the clear professional boundaries that should be in place. Once the attraction becomes less intense and less important, then the insights tend to flood in. After this unique experience, a true openness and transparency tends to make way for another level of understanding about yourself. This might be related to, what attraction/love means to you, how might you contribute or make attempts to develop it, how might you allow yourself to be open to the experience with others. It’s these types of questions and more that tend to open up an area that the client may have been running away from all their life.
If you have any other question that you would like answered simply email progressiveprocess@live.com.au or click here to book a free online consultation.