By Lydia Sterry | Submitted On May 07, 2012
This particular theory identifies three different roles in our interactions with others. These are known as the perpetrator, rescuer and the victim. Below is an explanation of these major roles that people tend to adopt.
The perpetrator is someone who may start an argument, shout or become aggressive/passive aggressive at others.
The rescuer is someone who makes decisions on someone else's behalf. This could be with the intention to try to make the person feel better or telling them something's OK when really it isn't. The victim is someone who does not make decisions and becomes paralysed and fragile in their own vulnerability.
I would like to point out that it's so easy to embrace these roles at varying levels. It's worth asking some questions around this to identify when you maybe doing this.
RESCUER: Am I trying always to take over? Am I surrendering my own feelings to spare somebody? Am I nodding my head constantly to avoid arguments/rejection? Am I being overly careful? By doing the rescuing you might be almost destroying any possibility and creativity the person has.
VICTIM: Am I feeling like a punch bag? Am I being shouted at or constantly criticized? Am I being pushed in a corner or forced to make a decision? By identifying yourself as the victim you might be at the fore front of how you could change the situation to move yourself away from this role.
PERPETRATOR: Am I raising my voice? Am I being too critical of others? Am I forcing the person to make a decision? By being the perpetrator you might be taking conflicts, dilemmas and problems towards unnecessary levels of aggression that is needed.
Once you can identify the role you habitually adopt you have an opportunity to stand outside of them and welcome healthier interactions.
This can be done by naming the role you are playing with the person and explaining how you don't want to continue with this particular interaction. Alternatively you could hold the role in your head once it's identified and physically choose to change something. (e.g. body position, your tone, your language).
However you may need to find your own methods of removing yourself from this role playing behaviour and explore with a therapist ways to ‘break’ this habitual behaviour. Overall this theory only covers three major roles but there are many more. It’s easy to find YOURSELF playing roles but it’s harder to realise that these roles are not needed to define you. It is useful to explore and reflect on what roles you might be playing and why you may be choosing them over simply ‘being’ or playing YOURSELF...
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